1. |
Art of Losing
03:40
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Just when the world is quiet and all feels right
Beware Lady Fortune spins you out of sight
To an average day in this small town
I push my little girl on the merry-go-round
And practise losing faster
I practise losing farther
I try losing harder
This can’t be hard to master
Turning, turn we turn in vicissitude
Fight the hours, the days of ingratitude
Wish I could exist in some altered mood
Find a mode, the paradigm of older codes
And practise losing faster
I practise losing farther
Try to let go harder
Don’t let this be your master
‘Cause even when you think
You’ve got the things you think you want
Even though I’ve got it all -
The things I love and more to come !
Highs and lows, no ebb and flow,
There’s no equilibrium
I’m like Icarus, melting in the sun
People, they’re always talking about selfcare
I’m too busy feeling I’ve failed to dare
Living life as a ceaseless prayer
Oh to dwell in a celestial sphere
I think I’m losing faster
Try losing harder
This isn’t hard to master
If I practise losing harder
Watch it falling faster
It won’t bring disaster
This life can’t be
It can’t be too hard
Can’t be hard to master
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2. |
Circus Of Desire
03:31
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A man with daggers takes his aim
It’s not clear if it’s for pleasure or pain
And high, high up above
Another boldly treads the tightrope
So please do not hold on to me
He says ‘sometimes I want to fall free…’
We’re all in a circus of desire
We’re all in a circus of desire
We’re all in a dance with death,
With fire
We’re all in a circus of desire
A hungry lion waits below
With his jaws open wide, and a girl
In the air swings on her trapeze
The tears of a clown strangely please
It’s a kingdom of beast and of farce
Serenade us, O chorus of masks…
In the circus of desire
We’re all in a circus of desire
We’re all in a dance with death,
With fire
We’re all in a circus of desire
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3. |
Why
04:00
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Why, why when I love you
Do I, I give you hell?
Your warmth wraps around me
In the morning, consoling but still
I don’t, I don’t give you my best
In the morning, nor the evening too
But darling, we’re in it together now
Aren’t we darling?
Oh I’m in it with you
Forever and ever Amen
In sickness, sickness and health
I found you
Before the long night set in
Now we reach towards
The cracks of light through the blinds
Where we lie
In the room the only room we had
Where chaos was all that we knew
But it’s not about us any more love
There’s a different beat, and a different drum
Oh darling - will you dance
Will you dance me to the end of time?
We’re in it together now
Aren’t we darling,
Oh I’m in it with you
And I’ll try, try the best I can
Forever, and ever Amen
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4. |
To the Lighthouse
04:39
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I could walk the water
Sail the Irish Sea
Travel ‘cross the border
With my love for thee
I don’t have a boat
I’m no messiah
Just the second-born
Tougher-skinned daughter
We’re always drawn to drowning
Shared childhood dreams
And I knew what you were thinking
Back when we loved the same things
Now rocks and the sands
At the cliff-edge of your land
Make for brighter days
But longer shadows cast
Lately I’ve been wondering
If these gales are at your door
Crashing up against
Old defensive walls
I can see the lighthouse
Is where you want to be
Beacon of danger
Ancient mystery
Your children will grow
To be hardier and free
Than we ever were
Or could ever be
All the lives we ever lived
And all the lives we’ll lead
May they keep the storms at bay
And hold us peacefully
Oh how your beauty
Is like a closèd shell
One that yearns to open
Reveal it’s treasure well
I will walk the water
Brave the Irish sea
Prove no man’s an island
With my love for thee
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5. |
Galop
06:14
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All the anger
Where is it from
All the violence
Where will it lead
We don’t mean to
We don’t want to
We can’t help these feelings inside
All the darkness
Where does it breed
All the sadness
On what does it feed
We don’t mean to
We don’t want to
We can’t put these feelings aside
Always striving
To break cycles
But the family’s on fire
Even though you love them so
The line of love and hate is close
Even though you need them so
The line of hate and love is fine…
Baby’s sleeping
She wakes with a smile
Help me let go
And find my crown
And be here now
Not be there then
To heed all the signs
Quell the hunger
Stop the burning
How can I get off this ride
Round and round the fields we go
Gallop a gallop a gallop
I can’t slow down
I can’t slow down
Gallop a gallop a gallop…
I’ve lost my reigns
And only fall
Bound by one thing
That’s beyond control
I don’t mean to
I don’t want to
I can’t help this feeling inside
Even though you love them so
The line of love and hate is close
Even though you need them so
The line of hate and love is fine…
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6. |
Zero Sum
04:36
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In the beginning,
Before I am caught,
There is none of me,
I am nought.
When I go
To sleep in my bed
I’m not in my heart
Not in my head
I come awake;
I exist, I am I.
A world out there
I test, I try.
I and Zero;
Me and Not-Me
Not for perception
Not to see.
In the beginning,
Before I am got,
There is none of me,
I am not.
* poem adapted from ‘Zero Sum’ in Number Poems by my grandfather, Keith Jacka
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7. |
Bogeyman
03:23
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Who is the bogey man
Is he in my head?
Is he something just outside
Waiting at the edge
Like an old wound that fails to heal;
A terror we dare not reveal
Why is the bad dream
Back under my bed?
I’m afraid of the dark
In childhood sweat
Oh please be kind, fair daemon
Whether you’re real or part of a master plan
Are you just equivocal faith?
Just the part we do not want to face
That we’re running from eternally
In vain hopes of being set free
Why is the bogey man
In my bed
Putting fear in my body and my head
Like old wounds we daren’t reveal
Part of ourselves we keep concealed
Are you just the fabric of our doubts?
Deep, dark desire within us and without
Taste of panic, light and shade
Whistling last leaves
North and South
Oh he haunts you best
As he goes unseen
Inherited myth
Or a hidden horror scene
But we all know where he resides
The troubled guest refusing to leave
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8. |
Lady with the Braid
05:06
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Would you care to stay till sunrise?
It's completely your decision
It's just that going home is such a ride,
such a ride
Going home is such a ride
Going home is such a ride
Going home is such a lo-lonely ride
Would you hang your denim jacket
Near the poster by Picasso?
Do you sleep on the left side, or the right,
or the right?
Would you mind if I leave on the light?
Would you mind if it isn't too bright?
Now I need the window open
So if you happen to get chilly
There's this quilt my cousin hand-crocheted,
hand-crocheted
Do you mind if the edges are frayed?
Would you like to unfasten my braid?
Shall I make you in the morning
A cup of home-made coffee?
I will sweeten it with honey and with cream
When you sleep
Do you have dreams?
You can read the early paper
And I can watch you while you shave
Oh God, the mirror's cracked
When you leave
Will you come back?
You don't have to answer that at all
The bathroom door is just across the hall
You'll find an extra towel on the rack
On the paisley-patterned papered wall
There's a comb on the shelf
I papered that wall myself
That wall myself…
Would you care to stay till sunrise?
It's completely your decision
It's just the night cuts through me
Like a knife, like a knife
Would you care to stay awhile
And save my life?
Would you care to stay awhile
And save my life?
I don't know what made me say that
I've got this funny sense of humour
You know I could not be downhearted
If I tried, if I tried
It's just that going home is such a ride
Going home is such a ride
Going home is such a ride
Isn't going home a lo-lonely ride?
Isn't going home a lo-lonely ride?
Isn't going home a lo-lonely ride?
*by Dory Previn, arranged by Olivia Chaney
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9. |
Mirror, Mirror
03:13
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Why are we
Drawn to those
Who suffer the same woes
And how do we
Feel so
Close to those who walk the same
Path we take
Path we know
Like a fairytale
Walk beside me
Hand in hand
Don’t be afraid
To tread this ground
Feel how
It’s magnetised
In harmony, in shadow
If we embrace these two halves
Become whole, the wrongs can right
If you walk the way
That way you know
Like you’re in a fairytale
And walk beside me
Hand in hand
Don’t be afraid
To tread the same ground
Mirror, mirror
Reflecting past
Heal the echo of our hearts
The sorrow,
Sorrow and hope
Loss cannot
Be quantified
As emptiness or void
But more like
A tapestry
Worn through our life
So thread the light
Thread the gold
Thread the myth and transpose
Singing the old
The old refrains
Don’t be afraid to again and again
Take a chance
To make believe
Ensure the dream, the dream is
Exactly where
You want to be
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10. |
Calliope
03:09
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You will have nearly turned a year around the sun
The buds are bursting forth, spring has nearly sprung
You are the meaning and awakening
You are the falling and the marching on
You’re my renaissance, the shedding of old skin
You show me how to live, you teach me how to sing
You are the meaning and awakening
You are the falling and the marching on
Calliope, the apple of my eye
Brightest star alight in the darkest sky
You’re the reason I begin to breathe again
There is no doubt, you’re the reason I exist
Your little heart beats against me like a dove
The rays of your smile warm us like the sun
You wash away the pain and make the colours bright
Before you, we only knew black and white
You are the gift and the giving
You are the rising and falling
You are the joy and explosion
In the end is our beginning
Calliope you are the rarest bird in song
You are the summer rain, the winter blossom
The wildest flower that grows beyond the dirt track
You make us whole again, you bring us back
You are the meaning and awakening
You are the falling and returning
Calliope, Calliope Calliope…
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11. |
I Wish
03:35
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I wish my joy and suffering
Was of some use to you
I wish the part of me that loved
Had not left you so blue
Time’s the great healer
Time is on our side
I hope we will meet again
For now I must leave
You opened your heart
I could not receive
I failed you too many days
And hid so many nights
Time’s a weaver
Time can be unkind
I know all you needed
Was a little more of a fight
But I was losing the will
And failing future bright
I wish my joy and suffering
Was of some use to this
I wish the way you’re a part of me
Remained and released
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Olivia Chaney York, UK
English folk singer, pianist, guitarist, harmonium player and songwriter.
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